I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
