I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
