I didn't shave. On purpose
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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