New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
birth control should be required to get into college
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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