it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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