Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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