i just sent this text using only my big toe
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
