This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
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you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
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I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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