I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
