she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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