so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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