I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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