i think my tv is drunk
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
