i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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