k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
