ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
