Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
