Don't you send me to vm
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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