I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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