Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
