i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
