im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
