So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
