I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
