The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
