I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
