I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
