I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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