my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
