well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
