Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize