the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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