I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
