hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
People in love make me want to vomit
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
