Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
