Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
