so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
