so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
