this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I checked into jail on foursquare
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
