Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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