grandma shit on top of the toilet
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
