Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
