He told me they were just razor bumps!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
