doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
