the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize