If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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