Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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