the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
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Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
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Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.