'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
