4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
