his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
