it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
