u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
