I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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