When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
