woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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