Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Your dad touched me again.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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