what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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