saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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