The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
