I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
