p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
