just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
