when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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