I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
