Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
