i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
