I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
