What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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