he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
